Last Post…no I’m not pulling your leg…Last Post: CRY

I haven’t cried for a long time in my life.Actually, come to think about it, I couldn’t remember the last time or incident that made me cry. When I look back on my life, I began to envy those people who can cry even in situation that doesn’t affect them. Then I found out why I couldn’t cry. I was NUMB and maybe still. As I enter the world of Secondary school and poly, I think I had become more and more numb.

As I recall flashbacks of my life, there was this time when I failed an English papar in Sec 3.It was mid-year examination.When I look at the red numbers on the paper, I didn’t felt sad or regret.It was like I was receiving a plain piece of paper.

If I go back deeper in my childhood or you might say teenhood, there was this incident where my classmate pass away, tragically I might say. He was hit by a van after his NPCC teacher called him to come to school even after he told her he was sick.He alighted at the bus stop nearby our school and cross the road without waiting the bus to go first.We had a reception for him the next day and I saw some of my classmates falling into tears.I just COULDN’T cry.I tried to.Maybe because I only knew him for just a 2 weeks.It was the start of the secondary school for my batch.But think that will always stick in my head is when the reception was over,we went back to the classroom and there was this girl who ask me,

“Eh, Afiq.You didn’t cry ah?Aiyah,tisk…tisk,you got no feeling is it.”she said with full disgust.

I was damn shocked.The fact that she just said that spontaneously while our classmates were grieved for my late classmate made me felt…well,shock.Since when does one needs to cry to show empathy towards the deceased ones?

Then, last two week, my grandma passed away. It was actually not a sad occasion, my family kind of accept her death probably because she was admitted to the ICU twice. The first time my mum cried non-stop. I was sad for her but again, I failed to cry.

So,last week I watched Requiem For A Dream…finally!!!After searching it at HMV,Gramophone,Video Ezy and many more, I finally found it.Lets just say the law ain’t going to be happy with me…you all did not hear what I just said.Don’t know if any T1B1 had seen it(I know Atiqah did),but this was one of the most beautiful yet depressing movie I’ve ever watch.I regret never watching it at one go(assignments) but it still give me the chills.Then there was this last scene, it didn’t end happy,and after watching it…there was tears flowing down my cheek involuntarily.

Ironic,a movie made me cry yet real-life situation don’t.

The Last, Big, Finale Post : McPranks/Fattie move aside

Okay,so this is the last post if I’m not wrong.Unlike last week,this week lots of things happened to me.So…there is gonna be two posts acting as one post..ok sorry,I didn’t even understand what I just type.

McPranks:

Last friday I rode the fully occupied bus 154 to go home.Its a direct bus service from Ngee Ann Poly to Boon Lay interchange.So after sitting on that vibrating chair(…that sounds wrong)for about an hour,I suddenly had the urge to buy a McDonald’s milkshake when I spotted a big poster of it at taman jurong.So,I pressed the bell and alight even though I knew that I’ve to wait another 30 mins to board another bus.When I enter the place,there wasn’t a long queue so I kind of feel optimistic about this abrupt decision.There I was, standing in a queue with my purpose only to buy a chocolate milkshake.Then…there was the big board.I am sure all of you had encountered a situation where you had one goal in your mind only to be distracted by the pictures of the big board.The power of the big board shouldn’t be underestimated.There is numerous times where my intentions were to purchase a small ice cream cone only to be tempted by the big board and only to find me saying “One big mac meal please…upsize”.Thats what happened to me that Friday.The worse thing was,when I went home I unintentionally burped and my mom asked if I went to McDonald’s.Oh..oh.

However,I proudly say that not on all occasion McDonald’s had the better of me.During my secondary school days,me and my friend frequently went to McDonald’s taman jurong outlet just because of their drive-thru.Only there we were able to release our stress by pranks.For example,my friend would walk up the intercom of the drive-thru and said what he wanted to eat.After saying it,he would ran away,I didn’t even think that the staff even realize about this but we would laugh when we stop running and forgetting our homeworks and other serious things.I knew what we did seem to be morally wrong but I felt what we did wasn’t that bad after watching Super Size Me(2004)

Fattie Move Aside:

Tiredness conquered my body last Thursday.I haven’t ate and sleep for one full day.I was more pissed when I saw a fully crowd train coming towards the railway and I board it.As it reaches Jurong East interchange,lady luck smiled on me when there was more people alighting than boarding which led to one empty seat.I rushed towards it and I also saw a young lady rushed towards it.Usually I gave in but I felt I deserved some rest so…I won the race!I sat there smiling and expressing my relief as my buttocks made contact with the seat.Then,I saw the same lady with an angry expression on a face and walked away with an ‘attitude’.Well,sorry honey,I won.Thinking about it,I think that she doesn’t have the right to be angry cause I truly deserved the chair.Lets look at it.I’m overweight which means I get tired fast and I was sweating so much that it look as if I just fell in a swimming pool while she look like the ones who appear on the commercial to promote a certain kind of exercise machine and also make a number of boys staring at the screen with full of lust.So thats what happened last thursday… The next day,despite sleeping for 12 hours,I still felt weak.As I board the morning train to school,It was fully seated but it wasn’t crowded.So,I stand in the middle of the carriage and then there was this kid who was sitting who looks two years younger than me staring at me.And he was fat.Real fat.I looked away and when I look back he was still staring at me.So then,I was real pissed at him.In my mind,I was thinking that this fatso really needs a beating.I mean,he should let me sit down.Doesn’t he sit long enough at home to be that fat?And then I realise.I was actually thinking in the same perspective as the ‘fit’ girl who despise me.That fat boy could be me.Looking at it,he was sweating and look unwell.I felt bad having that thought in my mind.But does that mean the fit girl was to be fully blame?Doesn’t the obese boy should stop staring at me?I guess both parties play a certain part in keeping a balance….uh…I’m still seaching for the word.

Ball of fire might destroy my manhood.

This thing happened 3 years ago

My friends are good convincers.They are willing to humiliate me to make me do something.Hell, they are willing to humiliate themselves.It was after school.45 minutes to remedial.I sat on the pavement beside the court where the red ball are kicked by many pairs of leg.Sec 4 vs Sec 5.Then,the goalie said that his dad is waiting for him outside.I was about to escape to the canteen when I heard…”Afiq!!!”.Damn.

So there I was standing between the two posts.It was an easy job not because I am good at it but the post were so small that I couldn’t walk through them.So,the first 15 minutes there wasn’t any action.My friends really played well.I was beginning to like my job when suddenly what seems to be a BIG BALL OF FIRE came approaching me.Before I could get ready to catch the ball…boom!!!

I fell down doing the “WILL YOU MARRY ME” posture while my left hand was holding my crotch.If hell feels like this,I’d rather be a good man.As two of my friends led me to the canteen benches,I felt like fainting…twice.As 3 of us sat down facing the stalls,most of the stall holders looks at me maybe because my hand is still on my crotch.Then,one of my friend said,”I guess there’ll be one less holiday for you”and then we burst into laughter including me even though laughing worsen the pain on my groin.

As I think back,it’ll be frustrating for infertile guys to live their lives.I knew one of my older cousin who has been married for 6 years but he still have no heirs.I could hear gossips from my aunties talking about him each time there is a gathering(you know how malay aunties nowadays behave).I imagine myself being infertile in the future.Do I adopt a baby just to get rid of “infertile” status or because I really wanted a child.As I came back to reality,my friend shove a pack of ice towards my groin.

And no,I’m not infertile…

National Service = Mint Donut???

entenmanns.gwbakeries.com

My primary school friends call me ‘Doraemon’.Not that it have anything to do with this post.My secondary school friends call me ‘Bulat’ because if you really study my head you’ll realise that it is in a circular shape coincidentally like ‘Doraemon’.Two days ago during a gathering with my relatives and uncles and aunties and so on, one of my older cousin shares his experience as a NS man.Talking about the cliches on how hard it is to complete all the training, how it is a transition from boy to man, about how all the girls will find you attractive wearing that uniform and about the ghost stories that most of us have heard.Then suddenly, one of my cousin ask if the guy had to wear green and black camouflage as seen on tv and he reply yes.

By now,I am imagining myself wearing the tight army uniform that almost doesn’t fit,heavy black boots,the helmet that usually doesn’t serves it purpose and the usual black rifle that I don’t even think I could carry.But the peculiar thing was how I look wearing the green and black ‘makeup’.As I try to use my limited creativity to imagine how I look wearing the ‘makeup’, I finally found the answer,a BIG MINT DONUT.I am gonna look like a nice, big mint donut that is usually found in a Dunkin Donut store that make you want to taste it but you hate mint.

The point is, do I really want to look like that?Do I really want to be in a situation where I am at the enemy’s line and when they spot me they will say “Sir.There is a man disguising as a mint donut on sight!Do you want me to shoot it sir?”.So what am I suppose to do to avoid such circumstances?Lose weight?or gain weight like how Mr Douglas did it in Korea?And I don’t think I’ll be ready when I am enlisted.How could I when I even need a boost to get off my own bed(ok…that’s a quote from Seinfeld)Also,I’m sure that if there is an imminent war during my service,I’ll get shot which I think is a good thing.(not that I want any war)They say that if a man is shot in the head,you’ll feel nothing.And I believe that.Once the bullet hit the skull,you’ll either be surrounded by fire and naked or you will be surrounded by goddesses and naked.But, is hoping to die first in a battle a cowardly way to end your life unlike in Japan when the survivor felt that they were coward?Well,only one thing is certain,I hope that the Mint Donut images in my head are gone by tomorrow morning. And to add….

Full Metal Jacket(1987)by Stanley Kubrick

This is the best war/NS movie I’ve seen so far and I’ve seen Apocalypse Now. This is no Army Daze(the Singaporean Film)kids. Just look at the poster above and you could make out the story.Attached to the helmet is a PEACE BUTTON while the helmet is written BORN TO KILL.The training of regular American citizens into KILLERS are seen through the eyes of the main protagonist played by Mathew Modine(for those in my IS class,this is the guy who act as the main scientist in AND THE BAND PLAYED ON).The first part of the story is when they were trained.He meets a drill instructor who specialises in racist and offensive one liners.As the training advances,the protagonist saw how all of his buddies were dehumanised to the point where they do not have any emotions and one of them had gone completely mental which lead to a suicide.

Second part of the story is when the main protagonist was sent into Vietnam where the war occur.As the war progresses,he sees american soldiers killing innocent farmers without any conscience and then saying to an interview that they were helping America in the war so that the future will be in peace.There was one scene that really shocked me in which an american soldier sitting beside a man sleeping in an american uniform while his helmet covered his face.The american soldier then introduced the protagonist who the guy beside him was.He lifted the helmet where we could see the guy’s face.The peculiar thing was it is a pale asian face and then the whole army crew just laugh.That scene is just a part where it questions the presence of american soldiers whether they are heroes sacrificing their lives for a better future or sadists where killing is just part of the entertainment.And whether they are the same person as the one before becoming soldiers.To conclude,many former Vietnam War Veterans said that this film is the most accurate war movie and personally,for me, this is a must watch film by either genders.

god i miss the 90s…..sigh

I reluctantly admits I’m no fan of the music that is playing on the radio nowadays.All the hip-hop and the punk rock doesn’t interest me at all.Not that I think it sucks.Maybe because I keep comparing them towards music from the 90s which personally for me is the best music era especially during the rebel times where songs from to name a few, Nirvana,Jeremy, Oasis,Pearl Jam, Beastie Boys and New Radicals can always be heard anytime,anywhere.

I could still remember when the song ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis was shown on TV,I was curious who are Oasis, with their dark glasses and bomber jackets which are considered cool at that time,really are.The band that consist of two brothers,a drummer and a basist from England continue to rise to stardom as they are being typecast as superstars.Their music are well received critically to the point that they are called the “new Beatles” and more coincidentally that the singer behaves and look like the late but great John Lennon.As my Oasis obsession continues throughout the years suddenly came to a standstill when the era of 2000s has come.Their new songs aren’t that good as compare to previous ones and worse;there was a hiatus because of the clash of egos between the two brothers.Now they have released a new song and possibly an eighth album and I could only hope they are going to be back on track.

Talking about downfalls,when I look at what happened to artist from the 90s nowadays,it wrote a similar story.Kurt Cobain is dead,New Radicals is just a stepping stone for the singer Gregg Alexander,Metallica suffers the same fate as Oasis and Pearl Jam hated the term “superstars” and I don’t blame them

Sadly the 90s aren’t forever and music like those can be called extinct as the years starting from 2000 past on.I just hope the 2010s are more to my liking.

The chick repellent…sigh

I guess the heading says it all.I was like the “girlicide”.Its not that girls despise me,its just I always felt that girls are intimidating.Anytime I try to start a normal conversation with an opposite sex,my brain would become numb.It is as if no blood were entering it and when I said hello,I would downright forget what was I doing.If only she would say “you had me at hello”just like in the movie “Jerry Maguire”…but I’m no Tom Cruise.

Some of you may ask why use the phrase “chick repellent”.Well when I was trying to came out with an interesting yet appropriate heading,suddenly a friend of mine came to mind.We always envy him because he had many admirers at school.Why not,he is masculine and charismatic until one day one of our friend jokingly calls him the “chicks magnet”.So the fact that I am 100% different from him comes the phrase “the chick repellent”.The ironic thing is he is one of my best friend.

Nowadays,a lot of films has made the “chick repellent” as a part of the character to the fact that it almost become stereotypes.Examples are “LARS AND THE REAL GIRL” and “PUNCH DRUNK LOVE”.In PUNCH DRUNK LOVE, the main character, Barry Egan, played by Adam Sandler(who impressively did a wonderful job) is a guy who fit the description of “chick repellent”.He is socially awkward yet tried his best to be accepted by the society.Throughout the movie,we are introduce to his seven sisters whom might be responsible for his low self-esteem as his sisters kept calling him names and so on and a woman who seem to be attracted by him and vice versa.What make this movie more than just a romantic movie is that it is filmed in a dark way and has a subtle meaning to it.

With increasing number of these type of men,does that mean the future will be led by them?Maybe in the future all of our successor would be “chick repellent” and thus,less people would be in a relationship.Which means that there will be lesser and lesser people in the future?That would be the kind of future I would not be looking forward to.

“That’s your baby!”

ahh…shit…last minute post.okay.Yesterday I just saw V for Vendetta for the second time and I have to say it still gave me the the same effect when I watched it the first time.Maybe better. I guess it is a good movie because instead of being just an action flick,it touches on some social aspect and make us think and we get to study the characters than just seeing things blow up.

Movies aside,on my way home,I bump into an old friend of mine on the train.We used to study together at religious class.I hate ‘bumping into old friends’.They will always say “hey,remember in the past you are fat…….you never change.”.Then I just pretend to laugh even though I want to scoop out their eyeballs.(okay too violent)

But this guy didn’t say that and I began to be optimistic about this encounter.Then I realized,there was someone beside him with a pram.Then my friend introduce me to his classmate during secondary school which mean he is 17 this year.Instead of saying “oh he so cute…”,I just ask if the baby was his nephew.(Its not that I hate babies but why the need to show your “monster” face and try to keep entertaining them when you know he will be thinking “this fella is creepin’ me out”.

The guy responded that he or she is his baby.So I was like surprise,dumbfound,astound,shock and taken aback(thank you for mac dictionary) that I responded without using my brain.”That’s your baby!”That was meant to be a question but the loudness of my voice overcome the asking tone of it.And when I say loudness,it was really loud even the person sitting at the next carriage turned his face towards me.Things began to become awkward and silent,faces began to turn red and to stop this awkward situation I had to stop at Chinese Garden even though my stop is at the end of the railway.

While I was waiting for the next train, I began to think about it.I mean my reaction is not exaggerated but the more I think the more I became sorry for the ‘young dad’.I mean he probably have to quit school to feed his baby.His parents might be angry with him.His days will be filled with overtime work.He probably had to work during weekends.Had to clean the baby while I am playing my playstation 4 hours a day without caring the world.

Suddenly the train arrives….

move back please…I said MOVE THE F#$K BACK!!!!

I was flipping through the channels of our national TV programmes and something that was on display stopped my daily routine and it doesn’t occur often.It was Central.It was night so…no,it wasn’t kid central.It was showing a short film that was done by our locals.It was your usual indie short film so I was about to press the off button but I guess I should give it a chance.The story took place in a bus at a bus stop.It was crowded and was not moving.As expected,the bus conductor asked the commuters to move to the rear.And,again,as expected,the guy went berserk shouting at them and scolding one of the sitting commuters who pretends to sleep.The film ends and I switched the TV off.But the film had me thinking(and the idea of me thinking doesn’t happened often).The ending shows the situation is back to normal and the bus conductor leaves the bus looking regretful.Does that mean his attempt failed?Does that mean Singaporeans had reached a point where even terror could not intimidate us.Whose fault is that?The government?Our parents?Violent movies?I’m not saying I am not one of them.I am one of them..Maybe if I was one of the passengers,I might be thinking the old man should be transferred to a mental institution . I just can’t help thinking this thing happen to us without us realizing it