Ball of fire might destroy my manhood.

This thing happened 3 years ago

My friends are good convincers.They are willing to humiliate me to make me do something.Hell, they are willing to humiliate themselves.It was after school.45 minutes to remedial.I sat on the pavement beside the court where the red ball are kicked by many pairs of leg.Sec 4 vs Sec 5.Then,the goalie said that his dad is waiting for him outside.I was about to escape to the canteen when I heard…”Afiq!!!”.Damn.

So there I was standing between the two posts.It was an easy job not because I am good at it but the post were so small that I couldn’t walk through them.So,the first 15 minutes there wasn’t any action.My friends really played well.I was beginning to like my job when suddenly what seems to be a BIG BALL OF FIRE came approaching me.Before I could get ready to catch the ball…boom!!!

I fell down doing the “WILL YOU MARRY ME” posture while my left hand was holding my crotch.If hell feels like this,I’d rather be a good man.As two of my friends led me to the canteen benches,I felt like fainting…twice.As 3 of us sat down facing the stalls,most of the stall holders looks at me maybe because my hand is still on my crotch.Then,one of my friend said,”I guess there’ll be one less holiday for you”and then we burst into laughter including me even though laughing worsen the pain on my groin.

As I think back,it’ll be frustrating for infertile guys to live their lives.I knew one of my older cousin who has been married for 6 years but he still have no heirs.I could hear gossips from my aunties talking about him each time there is a gathering(you know how malay aunties nowadays behave).I imagine myself being infertile in the future.Do I adopt a baby just to get rid of “infertile” status or because I really wanted a child.As I came back to reality,my friend shove a pack of ice towards my groin.

And no,I’m not infertile…

National Service = Mint Donut???

entenmanns.gwbakeries.com

My primary school friends call me ‘Doraemon’.Not that it have anything to do with this post.My secondary school friends call me ‘Bulat’ because if you really study my head you’ll realise that it is in a circular shape coincidentally like ‘Doraemon’.Two days ago during a gathering with my relatives and uncles and aunties and so on, one of my older cousin shares his experience as a NS man.Talking about the cliches on how hard it is to complete all the training, how it is a transition from boy to man, about how all the girls will find you attractive wearing that uniform and about the ghost stories that most of us have heard.Then suddenly, one of my cousin ask if the guy had to wear green and black camouflage as seen on tv and he reply yes.

By now,I am imagining myself wearing the tight army uniform that almost doesn’t fit,heavy black boots,the helmet that usually doesn’t serves it purpose and the usual black rifle that I don’t even think I could carry.But the peculiar thing was how I look wearing the green and black ‘makeup’.As I try to use my limited creativity to imagine how I look wearing the ‘makeup’, I finally found the answer,a BIG MINT DONUT.I am gonna look like a nice, big mint donut that is usually found in a Dunkin Donut store that make you want to taste it but you hate mint.

The point is, do I really want to look like that?Do I really want to be in a situation where I am at the enemy’s line and when they spot me they will say “Sir.There is a man disguising as a mint donut on sight!Do you want me to shoot it sir?”.So what am I suppose to do to avoid such circumstances?Lose weight?or gain weight like how Mr Douglas did it in Korea?And I don’t think I’ll be ready when I am enlisted.How could I when I even need a boost to get off my own bed(ok…that’s a quote from Seinfeld)Also,I’m sure that if there is an imminent war during my service,I’ll get shot which I think is a good thing.(not that I want any war)They say that if a man is shot in the head,you’ll feel nothing.And I believe that.Once the bullet hit the skull,you’ll either be surrounded by fire and naked or you will be surrounded by goddesses and naked.But, is hoping to die first in a battle a cowardly way to end your life unlike in Japan when the survivor felt that they were coward?Well,only one thing is certain,I hope that the Mint Donut images in my head are gone by tomorrow morning. And to add….

Full Metal Jacket(1987)by Stanley Kubrick

This is the best war/NS movie I’ve seen so far and I’ve seen Apocalypse Now. This is no Army Daze(the Singaporean Film)kids. Just look at the poster above and you could make out the story.Attached to the helmet is a PEACE BUTTON while the helmet is written BORN TO KILL.The training of regular American citizens into KILLERS are seen through the eyes of the main protagonist played by Mathew Modine(for those in my IS class,this is the guy who act as the main scientist in AND THE BAND PLAYED ON).The first part of the story is when they were trained.He meets a drill instructor who specialises in racist and offensive one liners.As the training advances,the protagonist saw how all of his buddies were dehumanised to the point where they do not have any emotions and one of them had gone completely mental which lead to a suicide.

Second part of the story is when the main protagonist was sent into Vietnam where the war occur.As the war progresses,he sees american soldiers killing innocent farmers without any conscience and then saying to an interview that they were helping America in the war so that the future will be in peace.There was one scene that really shocked me in which an american soldier sitting beside a man sleeping in an american uniform while his helmet covered his face.The american soldier then introduced the protagonist who the guy beside him was.He lifted the helmet where we could see the guy’s face.The peculiar thing was it is a pale asian face and then the whole army crew just laugh.That scene is just a part where it questions the presence of american soldiers whether they are heroes sacrificing their lives for a better future or sadists where killing is just part of the entertainment.And whether they are the same person as the one before becoming soldiers.To conclude,many former Vietnam War Veterans said that this film is the most accurate war movie and personally,for me, this is a must watch film by either genders.

god i miss the 90s…..sigh

I reluctantly admits I’m no fan of the music that is playing on the radio nowadays.All the hip-hop and the punk rock doesn’t interest me at all.Not that I think it sucks.Maybe because I keep comparing them towards music from the 90s which personally for me is the best music era especially during the rebel times where songs from to name a few, Nirvana,Jeremy, Oasis,Pearl Jam, Beastie Boys and New Radicals can always be heard anytime,anywhere.

I could still remember when the song ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis was shown on TV,I was curious who are Oasis, with their dark glasses and bomber jackets which are considered cool at that time,really are.The band that consist of two brothers,a drummer and a basist from England continue to rise to stardom as they are being typecast as superstars.Their music are well received critically to the point that they are called the “new Beatles” and more coincidentally that the singer behaves and look like the late but great John Lennon.As my Oasis obsession continues throughout the years suddenly came to a standstill when the era of 2000s has come.Their new songs aren’t that good as compare to previous ones and worse;there was a hiatus because of the clash of egos between the two brothers.Now they have released a new song and possibly an eighth album and I could only hope they are going to be back on track.

Talking about downfalls,when I look at what happened to artist from the 90s nowadays,it wrote a similar story.Kurt Cobain is dead,New Radicals is just a stepping stone for the singer Gregg Alexander,Metallica suffers the same fate as Oasis and Pearl Jam hated the term “superstars” and I don’t blame them

Sadly the 90s aren’t forever and music like those can be called extinct as the years starting from 2000 past on.I just hope the 2010s are more to my liking.

The chick repellent…sigh

I guess the heading says it all.I was like the “girlicide”.Its not that girls despise me,its just I always felt that girls are intimidating.Anytime I try to start a normal conversation with an opposite sex,my brain would become numb.It is as if no blood were entering it and when I said hello,I would downright forget what was I doing.If only she would say “you had me at hello”just like in the movie “Jerry Maguire”…but I’m no Tom Cruise.

Some of you may ask why use the phrase “chick repellent”.Well when I was trying to came out with an interesting yet appropriate heading,suddenly a friend of mine came to mind.We always envy him because he had many admirers at school.Why not,he is masculine and charismatic until one day one of our friend jokingly calls him the “chicks magnet”.So the fact that I am 100% different from him comes the phrase “the chick repellent”.The ironic thing is he is one of my best friend.

Nowadays,a lot of films has made the “chick repellent” as a part of the character to the fact that it almost become stereotypes.Examples are “LARS AND THE REAL GIRL” and “PUNCH DRUNK LOVE”.In PUNCH DRUNK LOVE, the main character, Barry Egan, played by Adam Sandler(who impressively did a wonderful job) is a guy who fit the description of “chick repellent”.He is socially awkward yet tried his best to be accepted by the society.Throughout the movie,we are introduce to his seven sisters whom might be responsible for his low self-esteem as his sisters kept calling him names and so on and a woman who seem to be attracted by him and vice versa.What make this movie more than just a romantic movie is that it is filmed in a dark way and has a subtle meaning to it.

With increasing number of these type of men,does that mean the future will be led by them?Maybe in the future all of our successor would be “chick repellent” and thus,less people would be in a relationship.Which means that there will be lesser and lesser people in the future?That would be the kind of future I would not be looking forward to.