I haven’t cried for a long time in my life.Actually, come to think about it, I couldn’t remember the last time or incident that made me cry. When I look back on my life, I began to envy those people who can cry even in situation that doesn’t affect them. Then I found out why I couldn’t cry. I was NUMB and maybe still. As I enter the world of Secondary school and poly, I think I had become more and more numb.
As I recall flashbacks of my life, there was this time when I failed an English papar in Sec 3.It was mid-year examination.When I look at the red numbers on the paper, I didn’t felt sad or regret.It was like I was receiving a plain piece of paper.
If I go back deeper in my childhood or you might say teenhood, there was this incident where my classmate pass away, tragically I might say. He was hit by a van after his NPCC teacher called him to come to school even after he told her he was sick.He alighted at the bus stop nearby our school and cross the road without waiting the bus to go first.We had a reception for him the next day and I saw some of my classmates falling into tears.I just COULDN’T cry.I tried to.Maybe because I only knew him for just a 2 weeks.It was the start of the secondary school for my batch.But think that will always stick in my head is when the reception was over,we went back to the classroom and there was this girl who ask me,
“Eh, Afiq.You didn’t cry ah?Aiyah,tisk…tisk,you got no feeling is it.”she said with full disgust.
I was damn shocked.The fact that she just said that spontaneously while our classmates were grieved for my late classmate made me felt…well,shock.Since when does one needs to cry to show empathy towards the deceased ones?
Then, last two week, my grandma passed away. It was actually not a sad occasion, my family kind of accept her death probably because she was admitted to the ICU twice. The first time my mum cried non-stop. I was sad for her but again, I failed to cry.
So,last week I watched Requiem For A Dream…finally!!!After searching it at HMV,Gramophone,Video Ezy and many more, I finally found it.Lets just say the law ain’t going to be happy with me…you all did not hear what I just said.Don’t know if any T1B1 had seen it(I know Atiqah did),but this was one of the most beautiful yet depressing movie I’ve ever watch.I regret never watching it at one go(assignments) but it still give me the chills.Then there was this last scene, it didn’t end happy,and after watching it…there was tears flowing down my cheek involuntarily.
Ironic,a movie made me cry yet real-life situation don’t.
